I am saddened when I come across haggard-looking men queuing up outside liquor outlets. In autumn 2005, I was in Kashmir and despaired as men with thin arms clutched bottles, to drown their sorrow in the amber liquid.
It was their escape hatch, albeit a temporary one. Why can't we endure pain? There is no way one can avoid feeling pain in the course of one's life.
So why not accept it gracefully when it comes? It could be pain stemming from separation — maybe the death of a loved one — or injustice you experience at work or home.
When faced with an emotionally draining situation, it is indeed difficult to say: "I shall endure this; I don't need an escape tool". But we've got to try.
Mourning, weeping, brooding... these are normal expressions of pain and are part of the coping process. However, these should not be carried to extreme or for too long, and definitely not with 'drowning in drinks' sessions.
For it is only endurance that takes you away, broadening your perspective and impelling you towards infinite horizons.
Kahlil Gibran wrote:
" Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that
its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain
And could you keep your heart in wonder at
the daily miracles of your life, your pain would
not seem less wondrous than your joy
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that
pass over your fields
And you would watch with serenity through
the winters of your grief..."
Normally, families and societies do not encourage people to talk about grief.
Indian families tend to talk about what is to be cooked and for whom, what clothes to wear and so on, skirting the issue of sadness that looms large, unacknowledged.
Children are protected from exposure to sadness and suffering; they are brought up to believe that it's "roses all the way". When thorns emerge many find that they are unable to deal with it. The weak succumb to pain.
They don't know how to brace themselves for it. Vulnerable, they get sucked into escapist activity — distractions that might do them more harm than good. Distractions that can last only till the following morning or till they run out of resources.
Feel the pain, recognise it, deal with it as another part of life. Then it will touch your core and help you navigate life's ups and downs.
A painful episode in your life could serve as a turning point that made you see the positive side with greater appreciation.
Gibran equates the endurance of pain to healing of that very pain: "It is the bitter potion by which the physician/ within you heals your sick self./
Therefore trust the physician and drink his/ remedy in silence and tranquillity/ For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen..." The next time you're faced with pain, look pain in the eye.
Endure it. Don't try to "drink it away". Talk about it, discuss it with family and friends. Don't bottle it. Reach out and let others reach out to you in times of distress.
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